| Oh dear God, Alot has happened these few days. and it has not been an uneventful one. I'll just summarize it for you; will make an entry in the next post. Anyway, my cousin was admitted to hospital. Was kinda shocked, last friday. MY mum woke me up "Bang, you want to go to hospital or not?! Your cousin admitted into hospital! In ICU. mama going now. Want to go faster go get ready go together. Thats where i rushed and in an hours time, I reached the hospital. He was still in the operating theatre but his older brother got some information regarding the extent of his injuries. IT WAS BAD. When I heard it, I just shudder. We staked the hospital the whole time till at night. People came in and out visiting him once he was done with his operation. More on him in the next entry. Anyway, moving on, im now working!! Graveyard shift. Tiring but what to do. Have to work ah. Burning my last few moments before I enter NS. hah! Next! My sleep hasnt really gone well. I cant really sleep. Same old problem. Its more of like, time waits for no man. no matter what you are force to move on. And for that someone, you have not failed as a friend. How to say this eh, I think when someone's been in my position. when something significant hits ure life. You ponder upon it. which makes u see your whole life. from when u were young till where u are right now. i understand why you react that way. why things turn out this way and not the other way. Its because humans let emotion control over logic. thats how the whole problem occured for me. i really don't blameyou for how things turned out to be right now. but to be fair i deserve it. well, what better way then to really learn my lesson. all i can say now is, to take things slow. You know something, to that someone, you are the friend which i thought i never had but I lost you before I realised it. It was really stupid of me not to look, to open my eyes big enough. Right there in front of me, someone who has always stood by me, i didnt see it. yet i choose to look the other way. I just hope its not too late to realise. I realise the importance of that someone in my life. We joke together, we laugh together, we buy drink together. We study together. Whenever i'm around that person we always do something together. We even get mad together and cry together. She really understands me. People can sometimes say im such a random person. but she knows me pretty well. It was like a war, I lost my comrades in a battle but its not the enemy who shot them down, it was me who shot them down. Gosh, I really regret it. I deserve the wake up call brfore I shoot everyone down instead of the enemies. Friends are also the pillars of your life. Now, I understand the meaning of friend. God, do you think you can help me? I prayed to you every single day now. Please hear me. Is there such a thing as 2nd chance. Yes I do learn my mistakes. Committing it again? No, my promise to you god. I tell myself, move on, move on. But I cant. Because I dont want to lose them. I want to be their friends. Thats where I hope the platform to be. Then from there, I hope the sincerity and determination as well as learning my mistakes will move them and give me a chance. I dont blame them for putting up barriers against me. Well, I DID wrong them. But slowly, like a stone being washed, same goes with the barriers. and its a long process. You know what, im willing to do that because I know you guys are worth winning the hands of friendship again. No matter how tired I am, I will keep on going but not pushy mind you. Sometimes, when I do sit down, i look at myself and the problems im going through, is actually small comapared to what my cousin and his family are going through. It makes me see life is precious. Treasure those close to you. and the more i think abt it. the more i feel shitty since i lost mine. Can you help me god this one time? please? and i will promise you i will be a good person. im even going to volunteer! with my cousin who got hospitalised. he just started volunteering which im proud of ah. when hes all better. I PROMISE I will definitely volunteer myself with him. Im sure this turmoil of his life will make him think like how the turmoil of my life made me think abt life but thankfully, mine isnt till his extent. Come to think of it, when life fucks you (sorry for the foul language), you stand up again (not fast) you are definitely stronger but you dont move on and leave whatever behind. you carry the ones that will bring you far, and continues to be better and throw away the negativeness. like my thinking and how i go abt my life last time. so to that person, you are regarded as someone who is dear to me and will continue to bring me to the righteous path. You know something, actually right come to think of it, its like a guardian angel, always telling you the right and wrong. You've been guiding me all this time and its just right that you actually left me through this time. if not, would i have felt that i am taking you for granted. i hope you see it this way. this is the only way to make me see that im taking you for granted. I hope you would come back to guide me again. Would you please? I would really appreciate it. God, maybe you can help me with this also. but for now, i will focus my time on my cousin. he needs us. I can see the frustration in his eyes when he cant do simple things like making the "twees" sign. It really hurts when he to know he bang his hand in frustration to make just a simple sign. It does really hurt but I got to be strong. We got to be strong for him and not to cry in front of him. I learn to appreciate everything now. Thank you for making realise it. I really do From the bottom of my heart, they are indeed friends to die for. Yours gracefully,
The one who deserved it |
